Do you ever feel like you’re losing yourself? Have you ever looked in the mirror and said, “Who is this woman?” It’s like recognizing yourself, but seeing you’re not fully you. You’re not who you used to be. This is not who you imagined yourself to be.
I know exactly how that feels.
As working moms, it’s so easy for us to get caught up in the day-to-day grind. Every day, we give our all at work. When we come home, we take care of the kids, prepare dinner, and clean up. We make doctor’s appointments, take note of school events, and support our partner.
There’s just so much going on in our lives that it’s easy for hobbies to start to slip away. When those things we used to love to do start to slip away, a little bit of ourselves does too.
That’s not a great place to be and I’ve been there too.
I was part of a panel at a conference and after, at the cocktail hour, I was able to talk with fellow leaders. We talked a lot about work, then the conversation transitioned to our personal lives. People were sharing all these fun and exciting things about themselves. When it was my turn to share something interesting about me, I said, “I have two little kids.”
That was it! That was all that could come to me. My entire existence outside of work was kids. It was a little embarrassing, to be honest, and also a little frustrating.
That night, I was in my hotel, thinking about this interaction…
I realized that I used to be interesting.
Taking the time to do something you find fun and interesting for yourself can advance your life.
I used to travel the world. I used to speak French, Spanish, and a little bit of Portuguese. I have tattoos. I used to make my own pasta sauce. I was an interesting person and then nothing.
I had nothing interesting to offer about who I am. It was frustrating and also a little sad. I realized that some of the lack of joy I was feeling in my life was likely coming from the fact that I had lost all of the things that really fueled and ignited me–those things that were interesting and fun about me that I loved, that helped shape my personality and made my life great.
Make a list
So I made a little mental list of all the things I used to do. I used to learn languages. I used to make candles. I used to travel. I used to go to shows. I used to go to museums. I used to read books.
I used to do all of these things and for some reason (we probably know that reason: kids and work), those things all just stopped happening.
With this list, I decided that while I can’t do all of those things again, I can pick one. I can just choose one activity and commit to doing that. So that’s what I did.
Get support
That weekend, when I was home, I said to my husband, “Hey, I really want to get back into candle making. I love making candles and I want time to be able to do this, so can you help on Thursday nights with bath time?” With that extra time, I can set everything up. When the kids have gone to bed, I can make candles for an hour or two instead of doomscrolling on Instagram. He said yes and that’s what I started doing.
I even got my kids involved. I would let them help pick some of the scents and I would say, “Oh, does it smell good? Tonight, mama’s going to make a candle like this, and tomorrow morning, we can all smell it together.” I got them involved in it and it was great.
Take a moment to reinvest in you so that you can be your best self for everyone who needs you.
Get support
That weekend, when I was home, I said to my husband, “Hey, I really want to get back into candle making. I love making candles and I want time to be able to do this, so can you help on Thursday nights with bath time?” With that extra time, I can set everything up. When the kids have gone to bed, I can make candles for an hour or two instead of doomscrolling on Instagram. He said yes and that’s what I started doing.
I even got my kids involved. I would let them help pick some of the scents and I would say, “Oh, does it smell good? Tonight, mama’s going to make a candle like this, and tomorrow morning, we can all smell it together.” I got them involved in it and it was great.
The ripple effect
Not only did I have more joy in my life, but that joy translated into being more present with my family.
It translated into a new experience for my kids. My children got to see me do something interesting for myself. I think this sets a great example and provides a good lesson that all children should learn. It’s good to do interesting things for yourself.
It even carried over into work where I found myself more energetic and more productive than I had been before.
Taking the time to do something that I found fun and interesting for myself advanced my life.
It felt insurmountable just days before. Before that conference, if you had asked me if I had time to pick up a hobby, I would have said absolutely not.
But you know what? I found the time and that time has paid dividends. The joy that it brought me made an impact: It moved my career forward, helped me be more present with my family, and created a new kind of experience for my kids.
Allocate time weekly for self-reinvestment to rediscover joy, showing care and love for yourself.
Take Action
So here’s my challenge to you. If you feel like you’ve lost yourself and the day-to-day swirl is pulling you down, make a list of all the things you used to do that you thought were interesting and fun.
To be sure, I am not talking about going to get your hair or nails done. I am talking about activities that you actually do and that fuel you. These can be activities for your personal development or just for fun and adventure.
Make a list of all those things that you used to do and pick one that you’d commit to.
While it might be scary to ask for help so you can do this, go ahead and try. Ask for the support and the space that you need to be able to do something you love.
And I know this will come up (because it was one of the questions I asked myself before), shouldn’t you be spending these free hours with your kids? Should you pick up extra work or do more work instead? Should you do the laundry?
No. Don’t “should” on yourself.
What you really need to do is to take a moment to reinvest in yourself so that you can be your best self for everyone who needs you.
You might be worrying about what people are going to think that you spend a couple of hours a week on yourself. When you take time to enrich your soul and nurture your joy, the people around you will notice it. So don’t worry about what they would think right now.
Pick one activity that brings you joy and watch the domino effect it creates for the people around you.
If you like more conversations about thriving as a working mom, check out my podcast, The Savvy Working Mom, on Spotify or anywhere you listen to your podcasts.
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Let’s makeover your routine at How To Get Unstuck.
