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When our baby boy first came on the scene there was nothing but excitement and exhaustion. He was so wonderful and also so tiring and it was all perfect. I was thrilled and my husband was thrilled and Baby Boy was the center of our universe. This worked really well for all of us, until about the 5 month mark. Then, it became clear, my husband and I also needed to focus on each other.

Keeping a relationship alive post-baby is not easy but it is worth it. Here are the 5 tips I learned over the first year to help us keep our relationship strong after baby.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Be open and honest with each other about how you are feeling and what your needs are. Be respectful but direct when you need help and be vulnerable and share when you are feeling down.

GO OUT!

Leave the house together with and without the baby. It can seem like a lot to get the little all packed up and out the door but it is worth it to do things outside as a family. Then, find a friend or a sitter and get out together!

Pro-tip: if you already have child care (daycare or a nanny) try a day date, where both you and your partner take a half day off of work and explore together one afternoon.

Take Me Time

For you to be the best in your relationship you do need sometime alone, away from both your partner and your baby. Be sure you are taking time to do the things you like. Hang out with friends, go walk a museum alone, read a book, get your nails done, whatever you used to like to do to recharge before baby, do now, post baby.

Give Your Partner Space

Your partner also needs time to recharge, encourage them to do this.

Bring Sexy Back

Yes I know “ugh” on the pun and “ugh” cause, who wants to think about getting freaky when there is a baby to sustain, a job to hold down, clothes to wash, food to cook, blogs to write, and on and on and on. But seriously, maintaining physical intimacy is important. Flirting with each other is important.  Now that baby is here, your partner is probably no longer the center of your world, the baby is and that’s ok. They are a very close second though right? They also need attention and affection and love. I’m not saying y’all have to do it. I’m saying whatever extra little things you use to do for each other before baby but have stopped doing since, start again. Compliment each other, hug, snuggle, pat each other’s bums, bite each others ears, make googly eyes or whatever you thing was. And seriously, don’t worry about the act of intercourse until you are ready. Do go back to number 1 though and communicate.

Make the Choice

When you have a baby you develop a new identity. When you have a baby your relationship also undergoes a fundamental shift. Things will be different but different doesn’t necessarily mean bad. Different can also mean even more wonderful. You need to make that choice. Take the time to think and talk with your partner about what you want your new relationship to be like. Put effort into redeveloping it as you find your new identity as a mother and partner and your relationship will thrive.

How do you keep your relationship alive after having had kids? Please, comment below!

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