Mama, it’s February, and I want to talk about love. The self-love that we have for ourselves as mamas is so essential. It’s vital that we love ourselves because when we do, we make the right decisions to create a life that we will enjoy. And when we love ourselves, we also set excellent examples for our kids to teach them how to love themselves. And that is probably one of all of our goals. So what does self-love look like? Loving yourself means saying no, and saying no can be challenging, but you know what? It’s worth it.
As women, I feel like we are raised to value ourselves based on what we can do for others. So when we start to say no to others, it diminishes the perceived value that we have. That’s a problem because we are worthy and deserve all of our dreams and desires, no matter what we do or don’t do for others.
Saying no isn’t about disappointing someone. It’s truly about setting boundaries. It’s about you, not them. We need boundaries so that we can live a life that we enjoy. Allow this to be your focus when saying no. How do we reframe that in our minds so that we don’t feel bad when we say no? The more you say no, the more open you are to the good opportunities that come your way related to a life that you want to live. So let’s talk about reframing. Saying no doesn’t mean that you are hurting someone. No doesn’t mean that you don’t like someone. No doesn’t mean that you don’t want to help someone. What no means is that you have a boundary, and you need to protect yourself.
We should set up boundaries around our physical space. Strangers and people we are familiar with alike do not have a right to our bodies and physical space.
We have a right to set boundaries around what we spend our money on and what we give away. Another way to label this boundary would be your budget. We only have so much money. We only have so much disposable income, and we have to set boundaries around how we spend it—saying no so that you can keep that for yourself and for your children and for your future is wise. That’s a good boundary to have.
Sexual boundaries are real. There are things you’re going to want to do and things you’re not going to want to do. You are entirely free to say no and to stay firm in your no. You don’t owe anyone anything sexually.
Setting emotional boundaries is also very real and very important. How are you going to let people act towards you? How are you going to let them treat you? How are you going to let them talk to you? You can set up boundaries for yourself that will not allow people to speak to you and act towards you in a certain way that you do not appreciate.
This one is important for us, mamas. In fact, I think this is important for all of us women; more than anything, what relationships are you going to allow in your life? Maybe some old, and there may be some that are new that do not serve you. It is okay to say no to relationships that don’t work for you, even if they worked for you in the past. The remains true for friends and family members.
The last one is boundaries around time. This is the big one for us mamas. There is only so much time in a day. What you do with that time is really, truly up to you. Don’t feel bad if you need to say no to giving that time to someone else so that you can do something that is important for you. Protecting your time allows you to invest it into the things that will make your life better. Setting boundaries is a radical act of self-love, especially in a world where folks tell us that we’re only as good as what we do for others.
I challenge you to act on this. Also, I applaud you in advance for acting on it and saying no. I want you to know that if it’s hard, it’s okay. It’s hard to love yourself. And it’s hard to say no, but push forward. Do it for yourself and do it to be an excellent example for your children. No is a form of self-love – I challenge you to love yourself this month, this year, and always. Stop saying yes so you can start living a life you love.
For more advice on self-love check out, Give Yourself Permission To Fall In Love With Yourself.
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Take action to start believing in yourself at How To Get Unstuck.